SESSUALITA’
ED
EUCARESTIA:
IL DONO DEL CORPO.
UNA RIFLESSIONE DI PADRE TIMOTHY RADCLIFFE
DOC-1587. MADRID-ADISTA. Sessualità ed eucaristia. Un singolare accostamento, in questo anno eucaristico che si concluderà con il Sinodo il prossimo autunno, quello proposto da p. Timothy Radcliffe, già Maestro Generale dei domenicani, in un intervento alle “Giornate nazionali di pastorale giovanile vocazionale” della Conferenza dei religiosi spagnoli, a Madrid (8-10/10/04), per una riflessione sull’affettività dei giovani nell’azione pastorale. Più che un accostamento, una stretta relazione. Qui di seguito il testo di p. Radcliffe in una nostra traduzione dallo spagnolo (con qualche piccola omissione per assoluta mancanza di spazio).
Non sono sicuro del significato esatto della parola “affettività” in spagnolo. In inglese “affectivity” implica non solo la capacità di amare, ma anche il nostro modo di amare in quanto dotati di sessualità, dotati di emozioni, corpo e passioni. Nel cristianesimo parliamo molto di amore, ma dobbiamo amare come siamo, con la nostra sessualità, i desideri, le forti emozioni, la necessità di toccare e stare vicini all’altro.
E’ strano che non ci venga bene parlare di questo, perché il cristianesimo è la più corporale delle religioni. Crediamo che è stato Dio a creare questi corpi e a dire che erano cosa molto buona. Dio si è fatto corpo fra di noi, essere umano come noi. Gesù ci ha dato il sacramento del suo corpo e ha promesso la resurrezione dei nostri corpi. Sicché dovremmo sentirci a casa nella nostra natura corporale, appassionata… e a nostro agio nel parlare di affettività! Eppure quando la Chiesa parla di queste cose, la gente non rimane convinta. Non abbiamo abbastanza autorità quando parliamo di sesso! Dio si è incarnato in Gesù Cristo, ma forse noi stiamo ancora imparando ad incarnarci nei nostri stessi corpi. Dobbiamo scendere dalle nuvole!
Una volta san Crisostomo, che stava predicando sul sesso, notò che alcuni arrossivano e si indignò: “Perché vi vergognate? L’argomento non è puro? Vi state comportando come eretici” (12ma omelia sull’epistola ai Colossesi). Pensare che il sesso faccia repulsione è un fallimento dell’autentica castità e, secondo nientemeno che san Tommaso d’Aquino, un difetto morale! (II-II,142.1). Dobbiamo imparare ad amare per quello che siamo, esseri dotati di sessualità e di passioni – a volte un po’ disordinati – o non avremo niente da dire su Dio, che è amore.
Voglio parlare di Ultima Cena e sessualità. Può sembrare un po’ strano, ma pensateci un momento. Le parole centrali dell’Ultima Cena sono state: “Questo è il mio corpo, offerto per voi”. L’eucaristia, come il sesso è centrata sul dono del corpo. Vi rendete conto che la prima lettera di san Paolo ai Corinzi si muove fra due temi, la sessualità e l’eucaristia? Ed è così perché Paolo sa che abbiamo bisogno di capire l’una alla luce dell’altra. Comprendiamo l’eucaristia alla luce della sessualità e la sessualità alla luce dell’eucaristia.
Per la nostra società è molto difficile capire questo perché tendiamo a vedere i nostri corpi semplicemente come oggetti che ci appartengono. ( … ). Se pensi al tuo corpo in questo modo, come la cosa più importante che possiedi insieme ad altre cose, allora gli atti sessuali non sono particolarmente significativi. Posso fare quel che mi pare con le mie cose se non faccio male a nessuno. Posso usare la mia lavatrice per mescolare pitture o impastare. È mia. E dunque, perché non posso fare quello che voglio con il mio corpo? È un modo naturale di pensare perché, a partire dal XVIII secolo, abbiamo assolutizzato quanto basta i diritti di proprietà. Essere umani è possedere.
Ma l’Ultima Cena guarda ad una tradizione più antica e più saggia. Il corpo non è solo una cosa che possiedo, sono io, è il mio essere come dono ricevuto dai miei genitori e dai loro prima di loro e, in ultima istanza, da Dio. Per questo quando Gesù dice “questo è il mio corpo, offerto per voi” non sta disponendo di qualcosa che gli appartiene, sta passando agli altri il dono che lui è. Il suo essere è un dono del Padre che Egli sta trasmettendo.
Dall’eucaristia alla sessualità e ritorno. Per capire.
La relazione sessuale è chiamata ad essere una forma di vivere questo dono di se stessi. Sono qui e mi dono a te, con tutto quello che sono, ora e sempre. Allora l’eucaristia ci aiuta a capire cosa significa per noi essere individui dotati di sessualità, e la nostra sessualità ci aiuta a capire l’eucaristia. Generalmente si vede l’etica sessuale cristiana come restrittiva rispetto ai costumi contemporanei. La Chiesa ti dice esattamente quello che non è permesso fare! In realtà, alla base dell’etica sessuale cristiana c’è l’apprendimento di come vivere relazioni di donazione mutua.
L’Ultima Cena è stato un momento di crisi inevitabile nell’amore di Gesù per i suoi discepoli. È stato il momento per il quale è dovuto passare nel suo cammino dalla nascita alla resurrezione, il momento in cui tutto è esploso. È stato venduto da uno dei suoi amici; la rocca, Pietro, era sul punto di rinnegarlo e la maggioranza dei suoi discepoli sarebbero scappati correndo. Come sempre, furono le donne a mantenersi tranquille e a rimanere fino alla fine! Gesù, all’Ultima Cena, non è andato via fuggendo dalla crisi, ma ha preso il toro per le corna. Ha preso il tradimento, il fallimento dell’amore, e l’ha trasformato in un momento di donazione: “Mi consegno a voi. Voi mi avete consegnato ai romani perché mi uccidano. Mi consegnerete alla morte, ma io faccio di questo momento un momento di dono, ora e sempre”.
Arrivare ad essere persone mature che amano significa che ci imbatteremo in queste crisi inevitabili, nelle quali il mondo sembra andare in pezzi. Questo succede in modo drammatico quando si è adolescenti, e può succedere in tutta la nostra vita, tanto se ci sposiamo quanto se ci facciamo religiosi o sacerdoti. Spesso questo genere di crisi avviene cinque o sei anni dopo aver preso il proprio impegno, nel matrimonio o nell’ordinazione sacerdotale. Dobbiamo affrontarle.
Gesù avrebbe potuto scappare dalla porta di dietro. Avrebbe potuto rifiutare i suoi discepoli e non aver voluto avere niente a che fare con loro. Ma no, egli ha affrontato il momento nella fede. E noi saremo capaci di aiutare i giovani a fare questo solamente se noi stessi saremo passati per momenti così e se li avremo affrontati. Io l’ho fatto! Ricordo che, alcuni anni dopo l’ordinazione, mi innamorai fortemente di una persona. Per la prima volta avevo incontrato una persona con la quale sarei stato felice di sposarmi e che sarebbe stata felice di sposarsi con me. Era questo il momento della mia scelta. Avevo fatto professione solenne con gioia, amavo le mie sorelle e i miei fratelli domenicani, amavo la missione dell’Ordine. Ma quando avevo fatto la professione avevo una piccola fantasia nella testa: “come sarebbe essere sposato?”.
Dovetti accettare la scelta che avevo fatto nella mia professione solenne, o, meglio, dovevo accettare la scelta che Dio aveva fatto per me, che era questa la vita alla quale Dio mi chiamava. Fu un momento doloroso, ma anche di felicità. Ero molto felice perché amavo questa persona, e siamo ancora buoni amici. Era un momento di felicità perché stavo per liberarmi dalla fantasia che avevo mantenuto viva durante la professione solenne. Piano piano stavo scendendo dalle nuvole. Il mio cuore e la mia mente stavano per incarnarsi nella persona che sono, con la vita che Dio ha scelto per me, in carne ed ossa. La crisi mi ha riportato con i piedi per terra.
Alla maggior parte di noi questo non capita una sola volta. Possiamo attraversare varie crisi di affettività lungo la nostra vita. Io certamente le ho passate e chissà che non ce ne sia una dietro l’angolo. Ma dobbiamo affrontarle, come ha fatto Gesù nell’Ultima Cena, con coraggio e fiducia. Allora, se lo faremo, a poco a poco entreremo nel nostro mondo reale di carne ed ossa.
Un benedettino irlandese chiamato Mark Patrick Hederman scrisse: “L’amore è l’unico impeto che è sufficientemente straripante da forzarci ad abbandonare il confortevole rifugio della nostra beneamata individualità, spogliarci dell’impenetrabile guscio di autosufficienza e farci uscire gattonando nudi verso la zona del pericolo, il crogiolo dove l’individualità viene purificata per farsi persona” (Manikon Eros: Mad Crazy Love, Dublino 2000, p. 66). E se non credete ad un benedettino irlandese, sicuramente crederete in san Tommaso: “La persona che ama deve pertanto allentare questo cerchio che la manteneva all’interno dei propri limiti. Per questo si dice dell’amore che scioglie il cuore: ciò che è sciolto non è contenuto nei propri limiti, al contrario di quello che succede nello stato che corrisponde alla ‘durezza di cuore'” (Comm on Sentences, III, 25, 1, 1, 4m). Solo l’amore rompe la nostra durezza di cuore e ci dà cuori di carne.
Amare è pericoloso!
Aprirsi all’amore è molto pericoloso. Uno, probabilmente, si fa male, L’Ultima Cena è la storia del rischio dell’amore. È per questo che Gesù è morto, perché ha amato. Uno che risveglia desideri e passioni profonde e sconcertanti può correre il pericolo di rovinare la propria vocazione e di vivere una doppia vita. Avrà bisogno della grazia per evitare il pericolo, ma non aprirsi all’amore è ancora più pericoloso, è mortale. Ascoltate C. S. Lewis: “Amare è in ogni caso essere vulnerabili. Ama qualcosa e il tuo cuore certamente sarà diviso e rotto. Se vuoi essere sicuro di mantenerlo intatto, non darlo a nessuno, neppure ad un animale. Avvolgilo attentamente in hobbies e piccoli lussi; evita ogni coinvolgimento amoroso; chiudilo al sicuro nell’urna o nella bara del tuo egoismo. Ma nell’urna – sicura, oscura, immobile, senza aria – cambierà. Non si romperà; diventerà infrangibile, impenetrabile, irrimediabile, L’alternativa alla tragedia, o almeno al rischio della tragedia, è la condanna. L’unico luogo, a parte il cielo, dove può essere perfettamente salvo da tutti i pericoli e perturbazioni dell’amore è l’inferno” (The Four Loves, Londra 1960, p 111).
Quando celebriamo l’eucaristia, ricordiamo che il sangue di Cristo è versato “per te e per tutti”. Il mistero dell’amore, nel più profondo, è insieme particolare e universale. Se il nostro amore è solo particolare, allora corre il rischio di diventare introverso e soffocante. Se è solamente un vago amore universale per tutta l’umanità, allora corre il rischio di diventare vuoto e senza senso. La tentazione per una coppia è di tenersi un amore intenso ma chiuso ed esclusivo. Si salva appena dall’essere distruttivo con l’arrivo di una terza persona, il bambino che espande il loro amore. La tentazione dei celibi potrebbe essere tendere verso un amore che è solamente universale: un vago e caldo amore per tutta l’umanità. Dickens ci parla, in Black House, di Mrs. Jellyby che aveva una “filantropia telescopica”, perché non poteva vedere niente che fosse più in qua dell’Africa. Amava gli africani in generale, ma non si curava della vita dei propri figli.
Non possiamo rifugiarci in questa filantropia telescopica. Avvicinarci al mistero dell’amore significa anche amare persone concrete, alcune con amicizia, altre con profondo affetto. Dobbiamo imparare ad integrare questi amori nella nostra identità come religiosi, come sposati o come single. Mi dicono che nel passato si soleva mettere in guardia i religiosi dalle “amicizie particolari”. Il nostro venerabile Gervase Matthew diceva sempre che gli facevano più paura le “inimicizie particolari”!
Bede Jarret, domenicano, fu provinciale della provincia (dei domenicani) di Inghilterra negli anni ’30. Una volta scrisse una bella lettera ad un giovane benedettino, di nome Hubert van Zeller, che dopo la guerra divenne un famoso scrittore di spiritualità. Questo giovane monaco si era innamorato di una persona che conosciamo solo come P. Fu un’esperienza spaventosa. Temeva che fosse la fine della sua vocazione religiosa. Bede vide che era il principio. Permettetemi di farvene una lunga citazione. È impressionante pensare che sia stata scritta settanta anni fa.
“Gioisco (del tuo innamoramento) perché credo che la tua tentazione sia sempre stata il puritanesimo, una costrizione, una certa mancanza di umanità. La tua tendenza era quasi la negazione della santificazione della materia. Eri innamorato del Signore, ma non autenticamente innamorato dell’incarnazione. Eri realmente spaventato. Pensavo ( … ) che, se ti fossi rilassato un momento, saresti esploso. Eri pieno di inibizioni. Quasi ti uccidevano. Quasi uccidevano la tua umanità. Ti faceva paura la vita perché volevi essere santo e sapevi che eri un artista. L’artista che è in te vedeva bellezza da ogni parte; l’uomo che voleva essere santo in te diceva: ‘Caspita, ma questo è terribilmente pericoloso’; il novizio dentro di te diceva: ‘tieni gli occhi ben chiusi’; Claud (il suo nome di battesimo), quasi saltavi per aria. Se P. non fosse entrato nella tua vita, saresti potuto scoppiare. Credo che P. salverà la tua vita. Dirò una messa di ringraziamento per quello che P. ha rappresentato, e ha fatto, per te. Da molto tempo avevi bisogno di P. I tuoi parenti non avrebbero potuto sostituirlo. Tanto meno i vecchi e corpulenti provinciali” (ed. by Bebe Bailey, Adam Belenger and Simon Tugwell. Letters of Bebe jarret, Downside and Blackfriars, 1989, p. 180).
Non sto suggerendo che dovremmo tutti correre fuori di qui alla ricerca di qualcuno da amare! Dio ci invia gli amori e le amicizie che sono parte del nostro cammino verso di Lui, che è la pienezza dell’amore. Aspettiamo coloro che Dio ci invia e quando e come ce li invia. Ma quando arrivano, allora dobbiamo affrontare il momento, come fece Gesù nell’Ultima Cena.
Quando amiamo qualcuno profondamente, allora dobbiamo imparare ad essere casti. Ognuno, scapolo, sposato o religioso è chiamato alla castità. Non è una parola popolare di questi tempi, suona bacchettona, fredda, distante, mezzo morta, per niente attraente. Herbert McCabe, domenicano, ha scritto che “la castità che non è manifestazione d’amore è essenzialmente il cadavere della vera castità” (Law, love and language, p. 22).
Castità è accogliere il principio di realtà.
La castità non è innanzitutto la soppressione del desiderio, almeno secondo la tradizione di san Tommaso d’Aquino. Il desiderio e le passioni contengono verità profonde su chi siamo e su cosa abbiamo bisogno. Il semplice sopprimerle farà di noi esseri morti spiritualmente o persone che un giorno si autodistruggeranno. Dobbiamo educare i nostri desideri, aprire gli occhi su quello che veramente chiedono, liberarli dai piccoli piaceri. Abbiamo bisogno di desiderare più profondamente e con maggiore chiarezza.
San Tommaso ha scritto qualcosa che viene facilmente fraintesa. Diceva che la castità è vivere secondo l’ordine della ragione (II,II,151.1). Suona molto freddo e cerebrale, come se essere casto fosse una questione di potere mentale. Ma per Tommaso ratio significa vivere nel mondo reale, “in conformità con la verità delle cose reali” (Josef Pieper, The Four Cardinal Virtues, Notre Dame, 1966, p. 156). Cioè vivere nella realtà di quello che sono io e di quello che sono le persone che amo realmente. La passione e il desiderio possono portarci a vivere nella fantasia. La castità ci fa scendere dalle nuvole, facendoci vedere le cose come sono. Per i religiosi, o a volte per gli scapoli, ci può essere la tentazione di rifugiarsi nella fantasia perniciosa che siamo eteree figure angeliche, che non hanno nulla a che vedere col sesso. Questo può sembrare castità, ma è una perversione della stessa. Ciò mi ricorda uno dei miei fratelli che andò a dire messa in un convento. La sorella che gli aprì la porta lo guardò e disse: “Ah, è lei padre, stavo aspettando un uomo”.
È difficile immaginare una celebrazione dell’amore più realista dell’Ultima Cena. Non ha niente di romantico. Gesù dice ai suoi discepoli semplicemente e liberamente che è arrivata la fine, che uno di loro lo ha tradito, che Pietro lo rinnegherà, che gli altri fuggiranno. Non è una scena da lume di candela in un ristorante, questo è realismo portato all’estremo. Un amore eucaristico ci fa scontrare in pieno con la complessità dell’amore, con i suoi successi e la sua vittoria finale.
Quali sono le fantasie nelle quali può farci cadere il desiderio? Due, direi. Una è la tentazione di pensare che , l’altra persona sia tutto, tutto quello che cerchiamo, la soluzione a tutti i nostri aneliti. Questo è un capriccio passeggero. L’altra è non vedere l’umanità dell’altra persona, per farne semplicemente carne da consumo. Questo è lussuria. Queste due illusioni non sono fra loro tanto diverse come può sembrare a prima vista. L’una è il riflesso esatto dell’altra.
Suppongo che tutti noi abbiamo conosciuto momenti di totale incapricciamento, quando qualcuno diventa l’oggetto di tutti i nostri desideri e il simbolo di tutto quello cui abbiamo anelato, la risposta a tutte le nostre necessità. Se non arriviamo ad essere uno con questa persona, allora la nostra vita non ha senso, è vuota. La persona amata giunge ad essere per noi la risposta a quel grande e profondo bisogno che scopriamo dentro di noi. Pensiamo a questa persona tutto il giorno.
Come diceva tanto bene Shakespeare: “Di giorno le mie membra e di notte la mia mente non trovano pace né per me né per te”. O, per essere un poco più attuali, la faccia dell’amato è come lo screensaver del nostro computer. Nel momento in cui uno si prepara a pensare ad un’altra cosa, ce l’ha lì. E come una prigione, una schiavitù, ma una schiavitù che non vogliamo lasciare. Divinizziamo la persona amata e la mettiamo al posto di Dio. Certamente quello che stiamo adorando è una nostra proiezione. Forse ogni vero amore passa per questa fase ossessiva. L’unica cura per questo è vivere giorno per giorno con la persona amata e vedere che non è Dio, ma solamente suo figlio o sua figlia. L’amore comincia quando siamo guariti da questa illusione e ci troviamo faccia a faccia con la persona reale e non con la proiezione dei nostri desideri. ( … ).
Benedetta intimità!
Cosa cerchiamo in tutto questo? Cosa ci spinge ad incapricciarci? Posso parlare solo per me. Direi che quello che c’è sempre stato dietro le mie turbolenze emozionali è stato il desiderio di intimità. È l’anelito ad essere totalmente uno, di dissolvere i limiti fra se stessi e l’altra persona per perdersi nell’altro, per cercare la comunione pura e totale. Più che passione sessuale, credo che sia l’intimità che la maggioranza degli esseri umani cerca. Se viviamo attraversando crisi di affettività, credo che allora dobbiamo accettare il nostro bisogno di intimità.
La nostra società è costruita intorno al mito dell’unione sessuale come culmine dell’intimità. Questo momento di tenerezza e di unione fisica totale è quello che ci porta all’intimità totale e alla comunione assoluta. Molta gente non ha questa intimità perché non vive una situazione matrimoniale, o perché si tratta di coppie non felici, o perché sono religiosi o sacerdoti. E possiamo sentirci esclusi ingiustamente da quella che è la nostra necessità più profonda. Ci sembra ingiusto! Come può escluderci Dio da questo desiderio profondo?
Credo che ogni essere umano, sposato o single, religioso o laico, deve accettare le limitazioni all’intimità che può conoscere al momento. Il sogno di comunione piena è un mito che porta alcuni religiosi a desiderare di essere sposati e molti sposati a desiderare di stare con una persona diversa. L’intimità vera e felice è possibile solo se ne accettiamo i limiti. Possiamo proiettare nelle coppie di sposati un’intimità totale e meravigliosa, che è impossibile, ma che è la proiezione di nostri sogni. Il poeta Rilke capì che non si può avere vera intimità all’interno di una coppia fino a quando non ci si rende conto che in qualche modo si rimane soli. Ogni essere umano conserva solitudine, uno spazio intorno che non può essere eliminato: “Un buon matrimonio è quello in cui ognuno dei due nomina l’altro guardiano della propria solitudine, e gli mostra fiducia, la più grande possibile… Una volta che si accetta che anche fra gli esseri umani più vicini continua ad esistere una distanza infinita, può crescere una forma meravigliosa di vivere uno a fianco all’altro se si riesce ad amare quella distanza che permette ad ognuno di vedere nella totalità il profilo dell’altro stagliato contro un ampio cielo” (John Mood Rilke on Love Other Difficulties, translations and Considerations of Rainer Maria Rilke, New York 1933 27ff.. quoted by Hederman op. cit. p. 81). ( … ).
Per gli sposati è possibile una meravigliosa intimità se, come dice Rilke, si accetta che siamo guardiani della solitudine dell’altra persona. E quelli di noi che sono single o celibi, possono anche scoprire un’intimità con gli altri profondamente bella. Intimità viene dal latino intimare, che significa stare in contatto con la parte più interna di un’altra persona.
In quanto religioso, il mio voto di castità mi rende possibile essere incredibilmente intimo con altre persone. Il fatto di non avere intenzioni recondite, e il mio amore non dovrebbe essere divoratore o possessivo, fa sì che io possa avvicinarmi moltissimo al fondo della vita della gente.
La trappola opposta all’incapricciamento non è fare dell’altra persona Dio, ma renderla un semplice oggetto, qualcosa con cui soddisfare le necessità sessuali. La lussuria ci chiude gli occhi alla persona dell’altro, alla sua fragilità e alla sua bontà. San Tommaso dice, scrivendo sulla castità, che il leone vede il cacciatore come cibo, e la lussuria ci rende cacciatori, predatori che vedono qualcosa da divorare. Vogliamo semplicemente un poco di carne, qualcosa da poter divorare. Una volta di più la castità è vivere nel mondo reale. La castità ci apre gli occhi per vedere che quello che abbiamo davanti è sì un bel corpo, ma quel corpo è qualcuno. ( … ). Quello che spesso sono state attentamente pianificate.
La lussuria ha a che fare con il potere, più che col sesso.
Si può avere l’impressione che la lussuria sia passione sessuale fuori controllo, desiderio sessuale selvaggio. Però Sant’Agostino, che comprese il sesso molto bene, credeva che la lussuria avesse a che vedere con il desiderio di dominare altre persone piuttosto che con il piacere sessuale. La lussuria è parte della libido dominandi, l’impulso di aumentare il nostro potere di controllo e convertirci in Dio. La lussuria ha più a che vedere con il potere che con il sesso. ( … ).
Il primo passo per superare la lussuria non è sopprimere il desiderio, ma restaurarlo, liberarlo, scoprire che il desiderio è per una persona e non per un oggetto. Molti dei tristi scandali di abusi sessuali sui minori sono venuti da sacerdoti o religiosi che erano incapaci di confrontarsi in relazioni adulte con uguali. Potevano cercare solo relazioni in cui loro detenevano il potere e il controllo. Volevano rimanere invulnerabili. Nell’Ultima Cena Gesù prende il pane e lo dà ai discepoli dicendo: “questo è il mio corpo offerto per voi”. Egli consegna se stesso. Invece di prendere il controllo su di loro, si consegna ai discepoli perché facciano di lui quello che vogliono. E noi sappiamo quello che ne faranno. È l’immensa vulnerabilità dell’amore vero.
La lussuria e il capriccio passeggero possono sembrare due cose molto differenti e tuttavia sono l’una il riflesso dell’altra. Nel capriccio uno converte l’altra persona in Dio, e nella lussuria uno in persona si fa Dio. ( … ).
Così la castità è vivere nel mondo reale guardando all’altro come lui, o lei, e a me come io sono. Non nè esseri divini né semplici pezzi di carne. Entrambi siamo figli di Dio. Abbiamo la nostra storia. Abbiamo fatto voti e promesse. L’altro è impegnato in una coppia o con un coniuge. Noi come sacerdoti o religiosi siamo consegnati ai nostri ordini o diocesi. È così come ci troviamo, impegnati e legati ad altri impegni, che possiamo imparare ad amare con il cuore e gli occhi aperti.
Questo è duro perché viviamo nel mondo di internet della World Wide Web. È il mondo della realtà virtuale, dove possiamo vivere in mondi di fantasia come se fossero reali. Viviamo in una cultura in cui risulta difficile distinguere tra fantasia e realtà. Tutto è possibile nel mondo cibernetico. Per questo la castità è difficile. È il dolore di scoprire la realtà. Come possiamo rimettere i piedi per terra?
Tre passi per amare.
Suggerirei tre passi. Dobbiamo imparare ad aprire gli occhi e a vedere i volti di quelli che ci stanno davanti. Con quale frequenza apriamo realmente gli occhi per guardare il volto delle persone e vederle per come sono? Brian Pierce, un domenicano degli Stati Uniti, sta per pubblicare un libro che paragona il pensiero di Meister Eckhart, il mistico domenicano del XIV secolo, con quello di Thich Nhat Hanh, un buddista del XX secolo. Per entrambi l’inizio della vita contemplativa è stare nel momento presente, quello che il buddista chiama “coscienza”. È reale solo il momento presente. Sono vivo in questo momento, e pertanto è in questo momento che posso incontrarmi con Dio. Devo imparare la serenità di smetterla di essere inquieto per il passato e per il futuro. Ora, il momento presente, è quando comincia l’eternità. Eckhart chiede, “Cosa è oggi?”. E lui risponde “eternità”.
Nell’Ultima Cena Gesù afferrò il momento presente. Invece di inquietarsi per quello che aveva fatto Giuda, o perché i soldati si stavano avvicinando, egli visse il momento presente, prese il pane e lo spezzò e lo offrì ai discepoli dicendo, “questo è il mio corpo, offerto per voi”. Ogni eucaristia ci immerge in questo presente eterno. È in questo momento che possiamo farci presenti all’altra persona, silenziosi e quieti in sua presenza. Ora è il momento in cui posso aprire gli occhi e guardarla. È perché sono tanto occupato correndo da tutte le parti, pensando a quello che succederà dopo, che può capitare che non veda il volto che ho di fronte, la sua bellezza e le sue ferite, le sue gioie e le sue pene. La castità, insomma, implica aprire gli occhi!
In secondo luogo, posso apprendere l’arte di star solo. Non posso star bene con la gente a meno che non sia capace di starci bene solo alcune volte. Se la solitudine mi fa paura, allora accoglierò altra gente non perché mi diletti in essa, ma come soluzione al mio problema. Vedrò la gente semplicemente come un modo per riempire il mio vuoto, la mia spaventosa solitudine. Pertanto non sarò capace di rallegrarmi con loro per il loro stesso bene. Perciò è quando uno sta con un’altra persona, che è veramente presente, e quando sta solo che s’impara ad amare la solitudine. Se non è così, quando uno sta con un’altra persona, si attaccherà a lei e la soffocherà!
Infine, ogni società vive delle sue storie. La nostra società ha le sue storie tipiche. Spesso sono storie romantiche. Il ragazzo conosce la ragazza (o a volte il ragazzo conosce il ragazzo), si innamorano e vivono felici per sempre. È una bella storia che capita di frequente. Però se pensiamo che è l’unica storia possibile vivremo con possibilità molto ridotte. La nostra immaginazione ha bisogno di essere alimentata con altre storie che ci parlino di modi di vivere e amare. Abbiamo bisogno di aprire ai giovani l’enorme diversità di forme nelle quali possiamo trovare significato e amore. Per questo erano tanto importanti le vite dei santi. Ci mostravano che c’erano diversi modi di amare eroicamente. Come persone sposate o singole, come religiosi o laici. Mi sono commosso molto per la biografia di Nelson Mandela, The Long road to freedom. È un uomo che ha dato tutta la sua vita per la causa della giustizia e dell’abbattimento dell’apartheid, e questo ha significato che non ha avuto la parte di vita matrimoniale che anelava, visto che ha passato anni in carcere.
Così il primo passo della castità è scendere dalle nuvole. Molto rapidamente menzionerò altri due passi. Il secondo passo in breve, è aprirci all’amore, perché non restino piccoli mondi su cui ripiegarsi. L’amore di Gesù si mostra a noi quando prende il pane e lo spezza perché possa essere condiviso. Quando scopriamo l’amore non dobbiamo conservarlo in un piccolo armadio privato per il nostro diletto personale, come una segreta bottiglia di whisky, salvaguardata dagli sconosciuti per nostro uso esclusivo. Dobbiamo condividere i nostri amori con i nostri amici e con coloro che amiamo. In questo modo l’amore particolare si espande e va incontro all’universalità.
Soprattutto è possibile allargare lo spazio perché Dio abiti in ogni amore. In ogni storia d’amore concreta può vivere il mistero totale dell’amore, che è Dio. Quando amiamo profondamente qualcuno, Dio sta già lì. Più che vedere i nostri amori in competizione con Dio, questi ci offrono luoghi in cui possiamo montare la sua tenda. Come Bede Jarret diceva a Hubert van Séller, “Se ritieni che l’unica cosa che puoi fare è ritirarti nel tuo guscio, non vedrai mai quanto Dio sia amoroso…. Devi amare P. e cercare Dio in P. Goditi la sua amicizia, paga il prezzo del dolore che porta con sé, ricordalo nella tua Messa e lascia che Egli sia la terza persona in questo amore”. ( … ). Se separiamo il nostro amore verso Dio dal nostro amore per le persone concrete, entrambi diventeranno aspri e malaticci. Questo è quello che significa avere una doppia vita.
Il terzo passo, forse il più difficile, è che il nostro amore deve liberare le persone. Ogni amore, che sia tra persone sposate o singole, deve essere liberante. L’amore tra marito e moglie deve aprire grandi spazi di libertà. E questo è tanto più vero per noi che siamo sacerdoti o religiosi. Dobbiamo amare perché gli altri siano liberi di amare gli altri più di noi stessi. Sant’Agostino chiama il vescovo amico dello sposo, amicus sponsi. In inglese diciamo “the best man” nel matrimonio. Il “best man” non cerca di far innamorare di lui la sposa, e neppure le damigelle d’onore! Sta ad indicare altro.
( … ). Dio è sempre quello che ama di più di quello che è amato. Può darsi che sia proprio questa la nostra vocazione. Auden ha detto: “Se l’amore non può essere paritario, che sia io quello che ama di più” (Collected Shorter Poems 1927-1957 London 1966 p. 282).
Questo implica rifiutarsi di lasciare che le persone diventino troppo dipendenti da qualcuno e non occupare il posto centrale delle loro vite. Uno deve sempre cercare altre forme di sostegno alla gente, altri pilastri, affinché noi possiamo smettere di essere tanto importanti. Così la domanda che uno deve sempre farsi è: il mio amore sta rendendo questa persona più forte, più indipendente, o la sta rendendo più debole e dipendente da me?
Bene, mi avvio alla conclusione dopo un’ultima riflessione.
Imparare ad amare è un compito difficile. Non sappiamo dove ci porterà. La nostra vita ne sarà stravolta. Capiterà che ci faremo male. Sarebbe più facile avere cuori di pietra che cuori di carne, però allora saremmo morti! Se siamo morti non possiamo parlare del Dio della vita. Però come trovare il coraggio di vivere passando per questa morte e resurrezione?
In ogni eucaristia ricordiamo che Gesù ha sparso il suo sangue per il perdono dei peccati. Questo non significa che doveva placare un Dio furioso. Né significa solamente che se sbagliamo possiamo andare a confessare i nostri peccati ed essere perdonati. Significa molto di più. Significa che, in ogni nostra battaglia per essere persone che amano e sono vive, Dio è con noi. La grazia di Dio è con noi nei momenti di caduta e di confusione, per metterci di nuovo in piedi.
Nello stesso modo in cui con la domenica di Pasqua Dio ha convertito il venerdì santo in un giorno di benedizione, possiamo stare sicuri che tutti i nostri tentativi di amare daranno frutto. E perciò non abbiamo nulla da temere! Possiamo addentrarci in questa avventura, con fiducia e coraggio.
Adista 25 dicembre 2004
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